Preparing to Become a Parent in a Country that Isn’t your Homeland

Millennial parents are more globally mobile than any generation before us.
We move for work, love, opportunity, visas, values and often without knowing where we’ll eventually “settle.”

For many of us, that means something big happens far from where we grew up.
Sometimes, that big thing is becoming a parent.

At ilo, this is not theoretical. It’s personal.
It’s the story of our founders  and of many families in our community  who welcomed children in countries they were still learning to navigate themselves.

So what does it really mean to prepare for parenthood in a place that doesn’t feel fully familiar yet?

Here are a few things we’ve learned  practically, emotionally, and psychologically.

1. Invest in birth preparation that understands the local context

Most European countries offer publicly funded birth preparation classes. They’re often excellent  but they’re also designed for people who already understand the system.

If you’re expecting in a country that isn’t your own, it can be worth investing in a private birth preparation workshop, especially one that:

• is led by someone who understands the local healthcare system
• is taught in a language you’re fully comfortable in
• creates space for any question  without judgment

When you’re new to a system, the questions aren’t abstract.
They’re practical. Almost embarrassingly practical.

Which door do I enter when I arrive at the hospital?
Will the midwife speak English?
Who is allowed in the room?
What happens if something doesn’t go to plan?

These aren’t “silly” questions.
They’re about reducing uncertainty  and uncertainty is one of the biggest drivers of anxiety during pregnancy.

Paying for clarity is not indulgent.
It’s an investment in psychological safety.

2. Build community earlier than you think you need it

There’s a strange, universal truth about early parenthood:
suddenly, you form deep friendships with people you have one thing in common  a child born around the same time.

And when you’re parenting abroad, that community becomes even more essential.

Because these are the people you’ll talk to about:

• nappies and blowouts
• sleep routines and regressions
• feeding decisions
• the mental overload that hits at 3am

You don’t need to explain the context  they’re living it too.

Psychologically, this matters more than we often admit.
Humans regulate stress better when they feel mirrored  when others reflect back “yes, this is hard, and you’re not alone.”

If you can, start building that community before birth:

• antenatal groups
• international parent circles
• language-specific meetups
• neighborhood parents with similarly aged children

It won’t replace family but it will hold you in a different, equally important way.

3. Lean into cultural differences instead of fighting them

One of the hardest  and most freeing shifts is accepting that your home-country way of parenting is not the default where you live now.

And that’s okay.

Parenting norms differ wildly:

• Americans and Europeans approach independence differently
• Within Europe alone, ideas about sleep, feeding, outdoor time, and childcare vary enormously
• What feels “normal” in one place may feel radical in another

The temptation is to resist.
To recreate everything exactly as it was “back home.”

But psychologically, resistance increases friction.

Adaptation, on the other hand, lowers cognitive load.

If you live in Denmark and parents leave strollers outside cafés while babies sleep  try it.
If you live somewhere where children eat earlier, nap differently, or spend more time outdoors  observe before judging.

This doesn’t mean abandoning your values.
It means letting the environment support you instead of constantly fighting it.Going with the cultural flow often creates less stress, not more.

4. Accept that competence and vulnerability can coexist

Many internationally mobile parents are highly capable people:

• strong careers
• multiple languages
• complex lives managed daily

And then suddenly, parenthood abroad makes you feel… lost.

This isn’t failure.
It’s a normal response to layered transitions:

• identity shift
• hormonal change
• cultural unfamiliarity
• loss of extended family support

The most resilient parents aren’t the ones who “figure it all out quickly.”
They’re the ones who allow themselves to ask for help — and to not know.

A quiet truth we see again and again

Becoming a parent abroad doesn’t just teach you how to raise a child in a new country.

It teaches you how to:

• tolerate uncertainty
• build belonging from scratch
• trust yourself without familiar scaffolding
• redefine “home” more flexibly

And that, in many ways, mirrors what we try to create at ilo: temporary communities where families feel held, understood, and less alone  even when they’re far from home.

If this is part of your story, too, you’re not unusual.
You’re part of a growing generation rewriting what family life can look like.