A gentle survival guide for parents navigating the holiday season with well-meaning relatives.

A Gentle Survival Guide for Parents Navigating the Holiday Season with Well-Meaning Relatives

The festive season is beautiful, loud, emotional, full of traditions and full of opinions. When you are a parent, especially of a baby or toddler, Christmas does not necessarily feel like a break. It can feel like a performance. You are suddenly parenting in front of an audience that has known you your whole life and often has very clear ideas about how you should now raise your child.

At ilo, we work with families all year who are navigating exactly this. Different generations. Different expectations. Different ideas of what “good parenting” looks like. This guide is not about creating conflict. It is about helping you move through the holidays with more calm, more confidence, and fewer silent frustrations.

Here are nine reminders you can carry with you this holiday season.

1. You Do Not Owe the Room an Explanation of Your Parenting Choices

Parenting advice will appear whether you ask for it or not. It often comes wrapped in nostalgia and phrases like “we always did it this way.” You are allowed to smile, nod, and still do things your way. Parenting evolves. You are not rejecting your elders by choosing differently. You are simply parenting in your time.

2. Your Child’s Boundaries Matter Just as Much as an Adult’s

If your child does not want to kiss, hug, sit on someone’s lap, or perform on demand, that is okay. Respecting boundaries teaches children that their body belongs to them. This is not rudeness. This is autonomy. You are not being difficult by protecting that. You are being a parent.

3. Sleep Is Sacred and So Are the Schedules You Protect

Late night games, long dinners, and extended socializing are part of the season. So are overtired children and exhausted parents. You are allowed to leave the table early. You are allowed to stick to nap times. You are allowed to prioritize rest without guilt. A rested child and rested parents make for a much happier holiday for everyone.

4. You Are Allowed to Say No to Noisy Plastic

Not every gift needs batteries. Not every present needs to make sound. If you prefer books, puzzles, creative sets, or open-ended play, you are not being ungrateful. You are protecting your home environment and your nervous system. It is okay to gently guide gift ideas in advance.

5. Flu Season Is Real and So Are Your Boundaries Around Health

If you ask people not to kiss the baby, that is not overreacting. If you ask for handwashing, that is not dramatic. It is protective. You live with the consequences of sickness long after the guests have gone home. You are allowed to set health boundaries clearly and calmly.

6. Your Parental Instinct Is Not Up for Debate

You know your child best. You know when they are tired, overwhelmed, hungry, or overstimulated. If you say something is not working, that is enough. You do not need to justify it with research studies at the Christmas table. Trusting yourself is part of the work.

7. Sugar Decisions Are Yours, Not a Group Project

Holiday treats are everywhere. That is part of the magic. But secret candy deals and whispered agreements between adults and toddlers create confusion and overstimulation. If you have a plan around sugar, it deserves to be respected. You are allowed to be the “boring” parent if that is what keeps your child regulated.

8. Real Help Is the Most Valuable Gift

Holding the baby while you shower. Taking the toddler for a walk. Doing the dishes without being asked. These are the gifts parents remember. Support does not need to be grand. It needs to be practical. If someone wants to help, this is how.

9. You Are Still Allowed to Enjoy the Holidays Too

You are not just a logistics manager of naps, meals, and emotional regulation. You are a human who deserves warmth, rest, and moments of joy. Stepping outside for fresh air, having a quiet coffee, sitting down without a child on your lap for five minutes is not selfish. It is necessary.